MSU is an affirmative-action, equal-opportunity employer, committed to achieving excellence through a diverse workforce and inclusive culture that encourages all people to reach their full potential. For more information on communication, visit our Healthy Relationships website or consider signing up for a class through our online self-referral form. Michigan State University Extension provides classes to help people learn and practice critical communication skills that can lead to healthier relationships. But listening is a skill that takes intention and practice. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of 'You’re not alone.'” There is no right way or wrong way to do it. “Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. Brene Brown, who has spent years studying the concepts of courage, shame, vulnerability and empathy, says it best in her book "Daring Greatly": So how do you know what to say or not to say when someone shares something difficult with you? Sometimes, the best thing to do is to sit and listen. It shows the listener heard what the other person was saying, validating (that must be so hard) and expressing concern (you are not alone). That is because the second response is empathetic. The second response, however, might make one feel heard, seen and supported. Sometimes they just don’t know what they are supposed to say. The listener may feel the need to shut down the conversation and move to a safer space for them. So why do people respond like that? Perhaps the comment comes from a place of the listener being uncomfortable with hearing something that taps into their own fears or vulnerability. The first response might leave one feeling dismissed. For example, “I think my husband wants a divorce.” Consider these two potential responses and how they would make you feel. Think about how you would want someone to respond if you share something sad, frustrating or fearful you are experiencing with a close friend. Being brave enough to share with another person is a vulnerable position to be in. This combination of active listening and empathy can be referred to as empathetic listening, can improve relationships of all kinds, from couples and families to friends and coworkers.Įveryone wants to feel validated for speaking their thoughts and feelings. Empathy involves reflection, validation and a genuine concern for how another is thinking or feeling. This includes things like nodding your head, responding affirmatively and asking questions for clarification. ![]() Active listening includes eye contact as well as verbal and non-verbal acknowledgments that you are listening. ![]() You may as well be speaking different languages with the lack of understanding that results from this type of communication.Ĭommunication that leads to real human connection involves active listening and empathy. This common experience shows a lack of active listening, because you are only thinking about how you want to respond. How many times do you find yourself in a conversation with someone, waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say what you want to say? Even further, you might then expect the other person to completely tune into what you are saying.
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